Where The Shoots Are We?!
GOSH! Where the heck are we? How’d I get here? Where am I?
Hello! My name is Sir Major Franklin Bombus, and I’ve been adventuring on… still, and still, I, your illustrious explorer of the vast labyrinths of Vega, have found myself trapped, even to this day, within the heinous Land of Dreams! Critters not as garish as I thought slumped upon my campsite. I dazzled them away with nothing more than a single match and the coarsely shaven rugged chin that sat upon your champions face that day — Sir Major Franklin Bombus! However, the ordeal had burned down my entire camp, of which had obtained a great many priceless works of art from cultures we can’t even begin to THINK had ever existed! But upon my hopeful journey to find a way out of this untraveled terrain; to return my discoveries to the Exploratory for extensive research for my upcoming publication: The Bombus Adventures, by me, Sir Major Franklin Bombus!
Though. My dear readers, things have gotten too close for comfort of late, mind you. Since splitting off from the rest of the troop ever since the Overloadification… seems like Vega’s maintenance bots started going on overdrive — have you seen any? They always rattle things up, you know, quite a bit actually. But, out here, in this Land of Dreams, it seems the Overloadification caused what must of been some kind of reset — of particular systems, it seems… interesting. I know, it is usually against the Explorers Code to travel without companionship, but I felt an overwhelming fervor to grab what equipment I had harnessed on me and thus roamed out into the depths of the unknown. My fellows bore warning of such a daring action — I should have listened… But despite all best intentions, and wealth of experience, I drove onwards, until their calls of reason grew fader and faint. And I, trenching deeper into the jungles floor; upon I wrote my last article — I had gone as mad as a kite.
This dense tangle that is the Land of Dreams may now become the final resting place of your epic heroes tale — Sir Major Franklin Bombus! He may meet his end upon this uncharted land. Needless, I must explain myself, to my adoring fans; a crude tale of insights as an expeditious pioneer. After all, the adventure never ceases, it never ends. This is my story…
Many Moons ago, I and a fellow voyager, Steve —
— delved into the isolated metropolis of Hull, where we caught tales of a distant community ravaged by the unfreshness of their vegetables… Despite their reliance on those who operate dangerous mechanical boxes (machines that speed at deathly velocities — which I, Sir Major Franklin Bombus had used his gravitas and charm — managed to negotiate a daring ride on one of them, hauling within it a cargo of people, who freely entered but could only alight upon ringing a bell — a fascinating experience! I urge you, my dear readers, to read about it in my previous exposé) — to deliver their much needed nutrients of greens and groceries, existed a community on the edge; Marfleet. From whence we arrived our Merry Expedition knocked on the doors of many-a dwellings, only to encounter a rich variety of beings. It was clear, upon our introductions, these natives were unaccustomed to our way of life — as an avid xenologist I was in awe at their wonderfully preserved deliberations of themselves, sheltered from the elements, they exuded a confused expression.
From our tentative first encounters with these inhabitants we obtained vital (if not, revolutionary) observations during our adventurous trek — we caught wind of a hearty meal and tales of a frolicking good time. With our supplies running low (we had exhausted our rations and Steve, a fine aquatic expert that he is, is as useless as a fish on land when out of waters) — were near starvation (we had already lost our infamous mountaineer to sickness that day). HOWEVER, it turned out the natives were a compassionate kind; upon every home we struck upon, their timid, and baffled dwellers directed us to a temple of sorts, a temple of COMMUNITY! That’s right! There, we discovered a celebration of togetherness!
We journeyed into the delightfully rejuvenating discoveries that were discovered there — it was the most remarkable venture! Truly it was! Words cannot begin to describe their foods, which were delicious, and made with a range of aromatic spices. We dined with the indigenous peoples, spending the entire afternoon in their company. Music played, and as the natives chatted between themselves, Steve and I attempted to initiate communication; exchanging gifts and stories. We laughed at their funny ways, and even danced the way of the tribals. Our effort garnered the trust of the tall ones and so had found ourselves telling tales to a group of smaller fellows (short little things, who spoke with a strange high-pitch voice and slurred their words about, and adopted a rather clumsy attitude — one beggars to believe how these creatures would survive) whilst the tall ones observed us, like the Mountain Gongantuas on Henios Prime. As I shared with the small ones a variety of survival techniques I’ve picked up over the years; as an avid outdoors-man that I am — I taught them the important lessons of ‘working together’. These Marfleet inhabitants even refined, if not inspired some of my most recent techniques that I shall soon encompass into my Communis Operatio manuscripts! I tell you, it was quite a way to build a survivalist crack-expedition in no time! They were as I call them now the MARFLEET MARVELS! Remarkable, truly marvelous.
Amongst the small and the tall ones, Steve and I learned a priceless lesson (well, at least, I was merely reminded of it) of the value of drawing wisdom from others (as they would from you, my dear readers). And thereafter, upon a full belly and enough glad stories told, I (and Steve) in grandiose display launched our discoveries (of the many observations and insights that day) into the sky — using nothing more than a bottle and a bicycle pump. The natives stood in amazement — as we blew our rocket into the air! It was, as I so often say, a worthwhile adventure — a mission success. We bid adios to our fine new friends as I, Sir Major Franklin Bombus, and Steve — marched on, through the drizzling downpour of light sodden rain (which we were told was expected — fortuitously I donned my trusty helmet, made from the hind of Trianosaurus (what has all but extinct, but make excellent waterproofing), whilst Steve welcomed the rain — a comforting reminder for such an ocean-dwelling companion).
Now, here’s where things get difficult you see? Upon leaving the Marfleet Marvels I was immediately caught up into yet ANOTHER adventure (or was it not my last?). At any rate, this adventure had proved to be my most daring to date! So outlandishly adventurous — that I am all alone… After parting with Steve somewhere out on the eastern wing of the ship I stumbled into a new and strange land; designation…
M.R.U_!!!ERROR!!!/Planet[NAME:]_missing
… A wonderful world stretching idealistically for miles and miles, trees so green and bird songs too sweet (I should remark this had happened to be one of the better spots to bird watch onboard — if I could only remember its blasted name)…
So, where was I? Ah-hah! Yes, YES, my dear readers — there was a village nearby, within a splendid fayre of trinkets and delights, inviting and dazzling. As I entered with a confident stride to my step into this magnificent, glorious fayre — I was taken aback by an assortment of peculiar lifeforms (all of whom seemed unrelated to the next), the likes I’ve never witnessed before — aliens, as yet unknown to me, who mingled together despite each of them egregiously unique to the next. As if a combination of animalia construed a baffling society. They were all strange in appearance, cartoonishly so, it would take several lifetimes to study them all! Comparatively, I, and my fine physique, stood out in this odd place as much as everyone else. It was as if I had found the essence of a kind of storybook land — illustrated by wildly different artists, creatures that filled their community from a number of — bedtime stories. Seemingly, it felt, I was in a world conjured from only an innocent mind (which you may be interested to know of my latest childhood memoirs are to be published soon)… I merged seamlessly with these almost 2-dimenisonal entities. Through shear character and personality, I posed as a trader of goods, I blended into the fayre. Using my savvy skills I tried to barter with them, unveiling one-by-one the most remarkable artifacts I had stored in my Exploratory (Tina’s Telephone, the Masks of U, Tokens of Vega — every fine artifact I had procured from previous expeditions I attempted to catch their interests). As I stood there hustling as best I could, they, these unusual natives, took little to no notice (even I, Franklin Bombus, was humbled by this experience)…
So, I needed to impress them. I needed to show something so incredible, that they would flock around and accept me as their own (for research purposes, you understand). I reached deep into my Exploratory, searching the many archives of treasures I’ve gathered over the centuries, and there it was. The most perfect and worthwhile of devices. Something so mind-boggling and bizarre, of such paradoxical curiosity, I pulled out THE GREATEST find any one lifeform could ever lay eyes on…
A TIME MACHINE! That’s right! My dear readers, your dashing explorer had found (in past incredulous adventures) a Time Machine. Just as planned, it captivated and overwhelmed these strange beings with such excitement and fascination. They congregated around me, eyes, minds and hearts fixated on my mysterious device that I had rediscovered in times gone by. And, as I, Sir Major Franklin Bombus, stood proud telling them of the enigmatic qualities of such a machine. My most serendipitous of treasures.
Now, dear readers, I must confess; despite all my best analysis and rigorous examination into this device, I could not say for sure (at the time) how on Vega it worked. Yes, even I, Sir Major Franklin Bombus, has his limits of comprehension (however temporary); the complexities and and feats of engineering that this device held (not to mention how unbelievably thoughtless one would have to have been in order to even begin to comprehend, let alone build such a thing), remained, on the peripheral of knowledge and understanding — that was all about to change, however.
Despite my scarce awareness of how such a device can operate, I had, nonetheless, inspired these strange natives into a sort of harmonious collective action. That’s right! Your hero, however deficient — was STILL able to strike these peoples motivation, in such a way that they sprung into a kind of genius; building their own, can you believe it! You read that correctly, I must’ve been the missing piece of the puzzle… as they hurried around constructing what seemed to be a similar machine of such temporal manipulation. The reckless fools!
I was, for a moment, frightened by their potential, as they gathered together materials in near perfect unison. What must of taken millennia to complete — took mere minutes. Their determination and will saw them erect a terrific monolith of exact proportions, with nothing more than cardboard, tape and some tin foil. I saw another group of them trundle along, who proceeded into the swarming mass of busy-bodies, holding above them great shining green crystals. That was IT! TIME CRYSTALS!!! Ah-HAH! Yes! The secret became clear to me, with such resounding revelation!
As these villagers continued to build their machine with such ferocity, I noticed some kind of uniformed figure in the distance. Using my binoculars I focused in on this mysterious character. POLICE — pasted on his jacket vest. “Officer!” I yelled, “Officer!” I waved — non of the others took any notice, they were too absorbed finalising their creation. I peered through my binoculars once more, the figure was looking directly at the fayre, standing authoritatively reaching into their jacket pocket, they pulled out a small notebook — I focused in on it — the inscription, plain as day, printed on its cover — THE LAW.
Things were about to get interesting.
After a short pause, whilst the villagers stood around their completed contraption, pleased with themselves, an ear-piercing whistle shrieked through the air. The distant figure began to launch themselves towards the farye. Fast and faster still towards the villagers. The whistle continued to crack and blurt out sporadically. The noise was so abrasive that everyone clambered into a panic (except me, of course). The commotion gathered as a squawkish voice bellowed out from the running figure “STOP! STOP THIS AT ONCE! THAT’S AGAINST THE LAW!” I was quick to my feet — “Hurry now!” I exclaimed, “Into the Time Machine!”, “YOU’RE ALL UNDER ARREST” he continued, “TIME MACHINES ARE PROHIBITED BY LAW!”, dozens of the villagers had already huddled inside the control room of the machine. My spirit for an adventure took hold and I too waded in (on my own accord).
The police officer stopped outside the entrance of the cardboard contraption, catching his breathe “Alright. All of you, out!” he commanded. Not one villager complied. “Come on, get OUT!” he repeated, futilely as a cat meandered behind him. I began to introduce myself — as per protocol of the Explorers Code, “Officer, Sir…” he darted his angry stare straight at me, whilst the cat ambled between his legs, “My name is Sir…” I was interrupted as the officer attempted to advance towards us, and then, he tripped on the the body of our feline friend — throwing him off balance. The cat was so dazzled it clawed and scratched the officer, shredding his trousers and causing, if not more, chaos as he tumbled back and forth and in all directions. The poor man stumbled into the Time Machine with us, twisting and turning, his hands reached out switching on switches and bodging buttons as he tried to find his balance. Lights flickered, mechanical noises began to hum. The entrance of the machine shut tight as the interface lit up. Numbers dialed on the screens of the computers, coordinates engaged, sirens blaring (I was amazed their paper, tinfoil design was able to do all these things)… Then we were spinning. And spinning hard.
As we were launched into all directions, the others were not pleased as they tried to keep themselves steady. “Why’d you do that?” one shouted, “You idiot!” cried another. As the machine stabilised, we were able to stand on our own two (or four, five six) feet again, the angry villagers gathered around the officer, who continued to lay on the floor of the control room, bewildered. An awful argument was about to ensue.
That poor officer was going to be fed to the wolves — in a manner of speaking. Someone needed to step in to diffuse the situation before things got out of hand. So, I — using the very lessons learnt from the Marfleet Marvels in earlier escapades — rallied a togetherness to find a solution. I rose to the challenge (careful to not draw too much responsibility on myself, however — being the one who’d showed them this kind of technology in the first place) I cut through the allegative fever with a passionate cry for reason. “You’re fools to lay blame solely on this good man, are we not all in this TOGETHER?”, as some of the villagers nodded candidly, others looked down ashamed with themselves. “Yes, this officer of the law may of taken us back to an unknown point in time and space, but remember — you built the DAMN thing!” the overcrowded control room grew quiet in grim contemplation. “Take some accountability for your own actions, will ya!” their expressions drooped from a vindictiveness to a sort of mournful realisation. A hopeless solemnness oozed throughout the control room. I changed tact — “Looky here. Whether you like it or not, we’re Time Travelers now,” I continued “This should be seen as an OPPORTUNITY of a lifetime!” I tried to reassure them “As the only one who has ANY experience of exploration, I suggest we take a moment to consider the DISCOVERIES ahead of us — for the sake of EXPLORATION!” As the situation settled down and no further arguments erupted. I began to feel like a tremendous team was emerging despite all our misdemeanors.
Here, you can see the time machine, un-crystallised, static in the Land of Dreams.
Having diffused the volatile situation (even potentially saving the officer from harm), I had furthermore convinced the villagers of my credentials to lead this rag-tag band of cartoonish characters and resolve our unfortunately timely circumstance. After all, my wealth of experience as an explorer, and my quick wit and charisma remained unchallenged — it was time to assess our predicament.
“Now then” I said, “What of the control panels?”, which began to flicker and flash all kinds of error messages all over the control room. ‘LAND OF [ERROR] [ERROR] DREAMS [ERROR] [ERROR] LAND OF [ERROR] [ERROR] DREAMS’ one of the screen relayed, ‘[ERROR] [ERROR] OUT OF FUEL [ERROR] [ERROR] TIME CRYSTALS DEPLETED’ blinked several others. ‘INSERT CRYSTALS IMMEDIATELY. INSERT CRYSTALS IMMEDIATELY’ pulsed another. ‘POWER FAILURE CRITICAL… POWER FAILURE CRIT -’ then the whole system shut down with a loud mechanical thud. “We’re doomed,” gulped one of the villagers as the emergency lighting bathed the control room with a grim red glow.
It had seemed our time machine crashed into what the dials described as the ‘Land of Dreams’… somewhere, even I could not have theorise to have existed… is it even onboard? “Okay gang, anyone got any bright ideas — where do we find more of these ‘time crystals’?” I turned to look at the others, who shrugged at me and each other. “Well, okay then, lets have a look outside, see where we are then ey?” I turned back around facing the entrance, pointing at one of the villagers standing beside it, “Open up that door will ya!”
Ah yes, The Land of Dreams, I have never in my time as an explorer could have thought of such a place to have been possible. Seemingly, neither did my cartoon compadres (which was to be expected, amateurs as they were in the business of discovery). Nonetheless, I was confident of having earned their trust, which, (as the Explorers Code recommends) is to be a crucial element towards any resolution.
Marooned we left what safety there was inside the time machine and into a dense forgotten jungle. The canopy was tall, thick, and leered over us, blocking out the sky. Clueless, we traveled, and traveled in search for a way out. Behind the overgrowth and beneath the undergrowth we muddied through. Our expedition was growing weary, tired — we would have to find a spot to camp sooner or later. As I continued to lead the way I began to hear a buzzing in the distance, a fluttering sound grew louder, the beating of wings more distinct. “Prepare yourselves,” I warned “We could be in trouble.” The group behind began to waver with fear as it became clear it was not on pair of wings but several, beating together as if some swarm was approaching. I held up my hiking stick, and prepared for a confrontation. “Who goes there?”
Out of the foliage burst a group of fairies (or is it a gaggle… or perhaps a murder of fairies? I’m not sure on that one). Anyway! Their sudden appearance from the dense green bush seemed a little strange, as if whoever was writing this thought to throw in their favorite T.V. characters… alongside these weird storybook characters who’ve had the misfortune of being ensnared in this forsaken land… I was, well and truly — out of my depth. My cartoon team and I were stunned, for non of us, not a soul had thought fairies were real! They buzzed in front of us, glamorously. I lowered my hiking stick cautiously, as they continued to flutter in our path. They didn’t seem to be a threat to our safety. So, I reached into my pocket, I stepped forth, offering a flask of my finest liquor. As I peeled open the cap I asked calmly “We’re voyagers, lost in this land, we arrived by shear accident. Tell me — we’re on a search for some very special crystals, do you know what time crystals are?” reaching out my arm to them, the vapor of the liquor wafted in the humid air “Have you seen any?”
There was a silence, as my gesture remained unacknowledged, as one hand protruded towards them, I carefully gripped hard with the other my hiking stick, just in case. The fairies glanced between each other, until one spoke up “Of course we know what time crystals are, and of course we know where to find them — we’re fairies.” Remarkable! My team and I felt a surge of relief gush over us. We’re homeward bound ladies and gentlemen, homeward bound! “However,” the fairy continued, “For us to help you will need to help us.” “Anything!” I said — for we did not have much choice in the matter. “Good,” said another “We’ve been followed by creatures of shadow, they will be here any moment,” — “Creatures of Shadow?” members of my expedition murmured worryingly to one another. As we stood there conjuring what awful creatures we were to find in this Land of Dreams, the rustling of leaves and the creaking of branches shook around us. Our surroundings grew eerier. “Get ready!” warned one of the fairies. It was then a swarm of creatures, cloaked in shadow — Shadow Creatures sprang out at us from the eerie jungle surroundings.
They lurched at us with, I threw my liquor into the attackers, and continued to swing my hiking stick around and about. Hitting one of them, the impact had cracked open its shadowy skull; a black mist burst from its wound as it slumped to the floor, vanishing in a dark haze. More followed, but the fairies — a capable bunch — fired arrows and slashed at them with swords and spears. The rest of my expedition gathered together, forming a sort of defensive circle, swinging punches and kicking frantically as the shadowy creatures descended upon them. An intense fight followed — as we pushed and shoved our way to victory; the ordeal reminded me of the time I wrestled the Great Duke of Ghalitchy in the coliseum of Drome. With the help of a few flying fairies my expedition and I made quick work of our opponents… then, I regret to say, beyond this, my memories become clouded and unclear…
Okay, now hold on, my dear readers, an idea has come to me! You see, out here, in the jungle, alone, right now… I’m a dead man. Listen will ya! There is not much time, as anyone would otherwise say, it is not my day today… but I believe I’ve struck an answer! You see, upon departing ways from my cartoonish expedition — I’ve become broken, forgetful… like a magnet on the poles. Lost I am but this time, reflecting may have just saved my skin! I remember — the Overloadification, then leaving — ill-supplied, carrying nothing but priceless artifacts, from there, I became inevitably and utterly lost… isolated… on the edge of breaking…
Perhaps a way out is a way in? If so, that would mean tracing my tracks back to the others. Back to them would mean finding the time crystals. Finding the time crystals means fueling the time machine, which means, my dear readers, A WAY BACK! For now, the adventure is not over, it never ceases, nor does it ever end. The journey must take a new turn, a novel chapter of me, Sir Major Franklin Bombus! Let me tell you, if I do perish on my way back, you should all know I died doing what I loved. As long as I don’t get too hungry out here…
Franklin, Out.
